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Heart's Desire

#944 on list of all songs

Listen to the version recorded in February of 1986 at Green Gulch Farm. It's best and corrects "I'll be fast" to "I'll hold fast."

The first recording of this song is from the 83-04 tape soon after I'd written it for Terry Killam whom I was enamored with. She came from an oil family in south Texas and we had friends in common. I met her when I was working on anti-nuclear songs. Suzie Benson introduced us. Terry helped out and later, much to her surprise, I paid her back. Terry had been living in (fellow Fort Worthian) John Denver's community in Aspen. On a trip through there I stayed at her parents' home (took me a while to find their booze) and visited her charming cabin. She studied with the trans-Buddhist Burmese teacher, Goenka. Terry became Treya and went on to marry Ken Wilber who wrote Grace and Grit about their relationship, her cancer, and death.  She was an impassioned seeker and, like most wealthy women, maybe people, she suffered because of her riches. The line in this song, "If a camel can go through a needle's eye, then even I can find my heart's desire," ending the first verse and "even you can have your heart's desire" ending the last verse and the song, refers to the famous Bible quote. I told her my interpretation of that was just that attachment, desire impedes understanding which is no secret and that having a lot of stuff tempts us to be attached but these are just difficulties, not impenetrable walls. I had read that the small door in the wall of a medieval Mid-eastern castle or city, a door that required camels to get unpacked and down on their knees to pass through, was  called, one name for it at least, was the Needle's Eye. The Needle's Eye is a camel door. The camel passes but must make an effort. She liked that so I wrote her this song. - DC

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